Showing posts from 2018


I had one of my exams today. I can't even begin to say how annoyed I am about the paper. I know that people generally tend to accept these things because exams are set by people who are supposedly more experienced and what not. But today's exam was garbage. There were 7 questions in total and the allocated time was 2 hours. I have several problems with the exam paper. For starters, to score full or near full marks for each question, you definitely have to write almost an entire page. Because one question itself has 4-5 questions embedded inside. And no, its not one of those things where the question goes 1a, 1b and so on. It was more like "why does this happen? if it does happen then how do you prove this? which experiment can be done to disprove this? how do you setup a proper control for this?" as "one" question. As a postgrad exam, this was irresponsible and ridiculous. By the time I finished the second question, I had one hour left. I wrote two pages f…


My mum called me earlier today to ask for help regarding some company related stuff. So I agreed to help her out once she sent me all the details. Somehow the conversation turned to Kyle. She told me that she doesn't see him as an outsider and sees him as part of the family no matter what happens. And like I've said numerous times, this is a really big thing coming from her. Because she has never been fine with any guy I've dated or been close friends with. She has always had quite a lot to say about them. While I do appreciate that she accepts him as part of the family, I think it is irrelevant since Kyle and I are no longer together. I wouldn't say that this could have been avoided if I hadn't introduced him to my mum. Because that wasn't possible since we were living together and she used to visit 3-4 times a year. Last year when Kyle and I moved to KL, we had to actually pretend that he stayed in the guest bedroom and moved to the master bedroom whenever s…


I have two exams before my break begins officially. I'm leaving to KL the day after my exam. I didn't really give this much thought. But I don't really have any clothes I can wear in KL with me. Almost all my non-winter clothes are at Kyle's place because that's where I spent my last few days in Malaysia before I came here.

A little update on my fan. It has 10 speeds and I set it at 10 when I go out and reduce it to 4 when I'm doing work at my desk. The first few nights I switched it off before sleeping. But a couple of nights ago I left it switched on because it was rather stuffy in the room. And surprisingly it acts as good white noise. I think its the same thing as the air conditioning sound. I can't use white noise apps on my phone because I keep my phone at the maximum volume because I'm afraid I can't wake up to the alarm. It has been so long since I've had to do it on my own. Kyle was the one who used to wake me up before.
AirAsia emaile…


I'm finally done with all in-semester work for now. The group presentation went better than I expected. We ended up getting 3rd place. Which isn't anything to be happy about because honestly I wanted to win. 

I was doing a skin type test on the Laneige website and it gave me a personality test in addition to my skin type. Honestly, I have to agree with this. Quite a lot of people have told me that I'm very unapproachable. Apparently that's their first impression. I don't know how I'm unapproachable though. Like, do I need to smile more? I think I do smile quite often. 
I've been sleeping at odd hours and procrastinating quite a lot over the past few days. Someone asked me today whether I did anything special on my birthday. I didn't. I stayed in my room the entire day. Which made me realise that there's literally no one that I know in UK. Because it seems like everyone except me is traveling around UK/Europe during the holidays either to visit frie…


I finished my presentation a few days ago and I'm actually quite happy about how it went. I still have one more to do before the finals for this semester.

Since my birthday is coming up, I decided to treat myself. I bought a Dyson dual function fan during the black Friday sale. It is rather noisy even at the lowest fan speed though. So I'm not entirely impressed by it. I mean, it looks nice and fancy, but thats just it. The main reason I bought the fan was because my room does not have air conditioning. I know its not really a thing to have air conditioning here in UK. But the developers have installed a temperature control for each unit. And I'm assuming it is for the heating/cooling from the duct in the ceiling, which I have already closed. The management has modified it so that the temperature is centrally controlled. And they set the temperature to around 27ºC which is ridiculous. Because the windows in my room can't be fully opened due to safety reasons. This ent…


I have a group presentation coming up soon and it's giving me such a headache. Its basically three people including me. One of them has a leg injury and lives very far. The other is married and has kids. For these reasons, it's impossible to come up with a time to meet. I don't mind attending a 10am class and waiting til 4pm to meet if that will help. But even that doesn't seem to satisfy them. Don't come to study if you can't be committed. Period. They don't even want to wait for 10 minutes beyond a scheduled class time let alone wait for anyone at the library. Honestly, what do people have against libraries? I love to study at the library. Because it keeps me focused and committed to actually getting work done instead of doing other useless stuff.

I have finally booked all my tickets for next month including the one to Johor Bahru. Honestly, I'm not sure of what to expect or how things will go.

I fell asleep around 6pm earlier and woke up at 11pm and…


A few days ago there was an information session regarding one of the assignments at uni. During the session, a student from China asked what the cut-off point for the plagiarism checker is at. He took quite some time to actually ask this question but the lecturer directly cut him off and said "don't copy" repeatedly. It was so rude. Like that's not what he's asking. The lecturer then went on to answer the exact same question when asked by an American student. The issue I have with this entire situation is, if the university knows that someone's English is below what is required, why do you give them an offer to study here? Like this lecturer is quite high up in the department and I know that she has quite a lot of say in who gets an offer and who doesn't. It just doesn't make sense to me to give someone the offer to come and study and belittle them constantly for their poor English.
I haven't been getting much work done lately. I don't feel l…


I've been attending a series of classes on presentation skills. Actually its just sitting there and giving feedback. But we've been told to not call it "presentations" but call it "talks". Whatever. There was this guy who gave a "talk" earlier this week. It was horrible. I don't know why everyone sugar coated it and gave such positive feedback. He read off from the slides, had no eye contact with the audience and didn't really know his topic well. I mean, I would have told him in a nicer way that he really needs to improve. Sometimes I wonder whether I can ever be a lecturer because I'm way too straightforward when it comes to these things. Because I don't see the point in lying. The reason we're having these sessions is so that everyone identifies their flaws and improve for the final research project presentation. Anyway, mine is scheduled for next week. I'm looking forward to it. Because I'm giving the talk on a top…


I haven't been able to sleep much lately. I keep waking up every few hours and I'm exhausted when I actually need to get up in the morning.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out if things were different. I grew up in the city even after my father passed away when I was 7. My mother is from a small town. And if she had gone back to live there when I was young I doubt I would have accomplished all the things I have today. But would that necessarily be a bad thing? My life would have been simpler I think.

Growing up, it was always you can't do this you can't do that. I was never free to do what I wanted. Even when it came to a career path, it was "you don't have what it takes to do this/that".

My relationship with Luke will always be a highlight of my life. Because he was the first guy the I fell in love with. I've known him since I was 6. He was the annoying rich kid in class. He chased after me for so long. He wrote his contact number o…

905: Because sometimes love isn't enough

Kyle and I were together for 5 years, 8 months and 15 days.

We met through my blog when he emailed me in 2010 to "ask" me something which he could have googled himself. It was something regarding a blogspot setting. We emailed back and forth for a while about it and lost contact.  

When I moved to Johor Bahru in 2013, he contacted me again and asked me out for dinner. 

He moved in with me somewhere around May 2013.

He didn't have a car when we met. And it was extremely inconvenient with just one car since I had to go towards the city and he had to go away from the city every morning. We bought a car together in April 2014. We initially planned to trade in my existing car. But at the end decided that it'd be more convenient to have two cars. 

At the end of 2016 after I came back from Australia, I moved to KL and he moved with me despite having to go back to Johor Bahru on a weekly basis because he was not done with his PhD at that point. The entire year was of me driving t…


I have two classes next week which are within 30 minutes of each other. Usually this wouldn't be an issue. But the second class I'm attending is for extra credits and there are limited spaces. I normally wait outside the class 45 minutes before the class starts so that I will definitely be able to get a seat. I know, it sounds ridiculous. But I want to complete all of it this semester so that I'll have more time for my project. And the whole issue here is that the classes can be anywhere on the campus.
I had an exam today. I'm someone who normally finishes exams quite early. But I was barely able to finish it. It wasn't hard, but it wasn't easy. I don't mind not scoring full on the tougher questions. But when I forget the answers for the easy ones, it really irritates me. Quite a number of people were unable to finish the exam though. I wonder how the results will be.
One of the lightbulbs in my room spoilt last night. So on my way back this evening, I tol…


One of the things that doesn't change in my schedule here are the classes on Mondays and Friday evenings. Initially I thought that its a coincidence that the Friday's class ends at 5pm. But I'm starting to get the feeling that this is done on purpose. There's literally no attendance taken for any classes except these two. And I personally don't find the Friday classes useful at all. I've skipped quite a few Friday classes til I received a warning email. So apparently I have missed a contact "checkpoint". This entire thing is the most ridiculous attendance system ever. I understand that a certain amount is required for visa purposes. But that is usually a percentage in a semester. Normally 80%. And I carefully calculated it to make sure mine will be above 80%. Turns out that when the staff feels like checking the attendance, it suddenly becomes a thing. I'm so irritated. And I found out that this is done specifically by one of the lecturers. She a…


I've been exchanging a couple of extremely uncomfortable emails with the university regarding an incident of racism that was directed towards me. I decided to withdraw from this particular class and lodged a complaint with the office. My intention wasn't to blow it out of proportion. I just wanted to make it clear that I will not tolerate it and maybe the University should look into hiring better people. Since this wasn't a compulsory class, I was offered private one-on-one classes till the end of the semester. I politely declined the offer because I want to move on from this. And I can because this is a completely different department from my course. The whole situation was extremely uncomfortable and no one else seemed to have noticed it in class. The department head wanted to meet with me  regarding this to discuss further. I don't see the point in discussing it any further since the staff will not receive any consequences. And I didn't want to jeopardise my co…


I'm usually quite excited to updated my blog. Then I wonder how many people actually read the nonsense I post. Anyway, let me write about this guy in my course who also happens to stay at the same building as me. I've known from the very first day in class that he stays here. But he doesn't really talk to anyone so I pretended that I didn't know him. So a few weeks ago we started our labs. And coincidentally he's sitting opposite me. Other than the casual hi/bye I didn't really talk to him because he gives off a really unfriendly vibe. One of the days after I came back from the lab, not even 15 minutes later, the fire alarm went off and I went to the evacuation point. He was there as well. And he goes on to ask me what course I do and whether I'm in the lab. Uh???? Hello? 
The next day I spot him at the subway station and he sees me but pretends not to and rushes off. We got on to the same train, different carriage, got down at the same station too. I head…


I was contemplating whether I should go out to buy bread earlier. I keep underestimating the amount of food I need to keep at home so that I don't need to make unnecessary trips to the grocery store. And I have actually never gone out at night since I came here because I don't really feel like its safe. But clearly my hunger forced me to go out at 6pm. It starts to get dark around 4pm here nowadays. I was planning on walking to the Tesco near my place. But I missed the traffic light to cross thinking that there's another one further down. The roads are quite dark and I really need to change my glasses. So I ended up going to Sainsbury's which was a little bit further down. I reached the entrance almost at the same time as a couple in their 40-s. So I let them go in first. I noticed the guy started to follow me around the store. I didn't think much about it at first since I wanted to buy my stuff and get back to my room quickly. It started getting creepy when he ke…


I've been meaning to post a room tour sort of photos here but I just haven't had the energy to clean up to take photos yet. I enrolled myself in some English classes because well, apparently I need to improve. Which I do agree with. Like I haven't scored more than 7.0 on the writing component of IELTS ever. And its sort of embarrassing especially when English is literally the only language I use on a daily basis.
I'm looking forward to November when the exam timetable will be released so that I can finally buy the tickets to fly back in December. A lot of people have been telling me that they won't be going back for the holidays because the ticket is expensive. I do agree that its ridiculously expensive. But these are people who only wear and use designer brands. Just say you want to spend the Christmas here. I don't see the point in lying. Some people want to pretend to be poor so bad.

I started writing this entry a few weeks ago to be honest but never got ro…


I went to the bank this afternoon to activate my debit card/change my PIN. Banking services are irritably slow and tiring here compared to Malaysia. It has taken me almost a month to get everything sorted. Almost everything. I need to mail the document with my signature to the bank tomorrow.
Anyway, I went in to ZARA after I was done with the bank and bought some stuff. I planned to make it quick and come home since I had some work that I needed to finish. I sort of made an impulse purchase and now I'm regretting it. A bit. I bought the sweatshirt below.
When I saw it I was like yaaas let me buy this. I don't think I even spent 10 minutes in the store. I can return it or exchange it. But hmm. I sort of like it but I don't want too much attention. And I've already removed the tags. I don't think I'll wear this to uni on normal days. 

Images from ZARA.


I've been writing this post on and off for the past couple of days. Classes haven't begun officially. Its still orientation stuff. Honestly, I think its a bit too long winded. There are literally two sessions that I need to attend before classes officially begin and it has been spaced out over 3 weeks. I've been feeling extremely lonely. The time zone difference makes it even worse. I can't wait for classes to start and keep me occupied.
The fire alarm in this building goes off once a day at least. And it's not the test drill. Like its the proper evacuation because someone actually sets it off. More than 90% of the residents here are from mainland China. They can't speak or understand English much. Which makes me doubt how they even got into the university here. Anyway, the fire alarm is apparently set off because of the way they cook. Last week, the alarm went off twice in the same day. Do you all never learn? Like, even if you can't understand English, i…


I'm so exhausted. I moved some of my stuff to my place this morning and then took the Subway to Poundland. Which is sort of the Daiso equivalent I guess. That place was such a mess. I bought a knife, dettol, kitchen towels and some other stuff. My whole point to go to this particular outlet was to go to a nearby store to buy pillows and stuff. Turns out, this was just a customer service centre. I could have avoided all of this if I went to Ikea. But unlike Malaysia, there's no Ikea Shuttle Bus. Although I've never used the Ikea shuttle bus in Malaysia, I can understand how useful it could have been today. 
So anyway, I took a bus to Ikea and ended up at the wrong place and had to walk all over in the rain. It was PACKED. Like, it was almost impossible to move. So I quickly grabbed the essentials and booked a taxi using the local app here. The taxi driver got lost and took forever to come. But he was sort of nice I guess. Initially he was grumbling about how I didn't p…


I've been so busy the past couple of months. I'm finally in UK to do my Masters. This is probably one of the hardest steps I've taken in my life. Being away and alone.
Currently staying at an AirBnB till I can move into my place over the weekend. I'm actually starting to like this place more since its closer to the shops and university. I went to the university to collect my student ID today. Orientation hasn't officially started yet so the campus isn't too crowded. But it seems like I'm the only one who went there alone. Everyone else seems to be with either family or friends. To be honest, being here doesn't even feel real to me. Because I want to go back home so badly. I've already checked the end of semester dates and graduation date so that I can start planning to go back. 
When I collected my ID today, the staff at the university told me that I'll be extremely busy because of the electives I've chosen. I did that on purpose because I&…


Kyle and I were having breakfast today when his aunt came here. As usual, I went upstairs to hide. Although I ran up, deep inside I was calm. I was fed up having to do this. I understand why I need to do that. Its because anyone seeing me here will create unnecessary problems. But a part of me yearns for him to proudly show me off to the world. 
When we lived in Johor Bahru, Kyle would purposely speed up or cover his face when we drove past his uncle's shop. We had to pass by his uncle's shop no matter where we went because it was nearby our apartment. When I used to drop him off at his office, he'd run off as soon as I reach without even saying bye, scared that someone will see me. But he's perfectly fine for my friends and classmates to be seen. Because when I had to stay until late at the hospital, he used to pick me up and drop me off at the A&E along with some of my classmates. 
I am extremely hurt about this to be honest. But I don't want to talk to him a…


I reached Johor Bahru a couple of days ago. I was extremely reluctant to make this trip because I didn't want to see Kyle. But I'm glad I did. Even though I am not happy with how things are, I know that this is an important time for me to support Kyle. Because at the end of the day, I still love him no matter what. My issues with him can hold on till we sort other things out.
Since I came here, I haven't done much except sleep because that's something I can't do back at home. We are actually staying at Kyle's hometown because no one lives there. His family lives in Johor Bahru/Singapore. Its not that we like to stay here. But at this point, we don't have a place to go other than this. We don't even have our own car. We sold both cars in January this year.
Even though I'm here with Kyle, I have been doing office work for my mother. Technically I do own a small part of the new company because I too am a shareholder. But working with my mother is impo…


I normally work well under pressure. Up to a certain extent. Its one of those days again. I have been doing quite a bit of office work for my mother since I came back. From the time I wake up around 9am till I go to bed by 2am, I'm doing office work. I do it because I honestly don't mind doing it. But a sign of appreciation would be nice. Obviously I don't get paid because no one here sees me as anyone who contributes anything to the company. My studies were on medical research. Not business. I'm not qualified at all to be involved in a business. But I still do things because its family and I want to help in any way I can.
My stepfather is a useless piece of shit. He literally sleeps the entire day and doesn't do anything. He doesn't help out with anything either. He speaks a different dialect and I have such a hard time understanding what he says. I normally try to avoid him because I don't want to say something and create a huge scene. 
A typical day for…


I attended Kyle's graduation last month. It was a whole new experience because I haven't attended any of my graduations. I graduated in absentia. Kyle's parents/siblings didn't attend the ceremony although they wanted to. I don't see the point in attending someone's graduation if you didn't support them prior to that. Anyway, its just very complicated and messy. 
The ceremony was way too long. And people were so rude. The session was for postgrads and almost 40% of the graduating students were PhD. So this person sitting behind me went on a tirade on how the PhD is not genuine because there were so many people. When you say that, aren't you indirectly saying that your kid's qualification isn't genuine as well? Rude!
I'm looking forward to see Kyle later this month. I'm hoping that its somewhere around mid-May. Yaaas!


I want to go for a proper holiday. Not a sightseeing type of holiday. But more of a relaxing and do nothing kind of holiday. After I completed my first degree, I took a 2 month break when everyone else joined the following research degree without a break. But those 2 months didn't end up being a break for me because I had to move from JB to KL at the very last minute. That was at the end of 2016. After I completed my second degree last year, I moved again. And ever since I came home, I haven't really been able to have any time to myself. I've been helping my mother with her business doing mostly paperwork. There's just way too much unnecessary paperwork in the office.
A couple of days ago, a potential client asked for our services. And they'd like to meet. But its far from home so we're planning to make it a 2 day trip. I'm really looking forward to it. Not the work aspect though.
Other than that, I've been learning to use Adobe Illustrator over the pa…


On one of my recent flights from AirAsia, I purchased a set of the Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask through their duty free. It came in a pack of 4 full sized tubs for slightly over RM 200. And thats actually quite a bit cheaper than buying it at a store for the full RM 75 per tub individually. I've read about it for a while now and thought it was rather gimmicky until I tried it. Its literally the best thing ever. 

So if you're not familiar with it, its basically a lip mask (hence the name) that you apply before going to bed and then rinse off in the morning. It helps to moisturize and exfoliate the lips. And I personally like how it makes my lips feel in the morning. Not a huge fan of the greasy texture though. But it gets the job done.
I do believe its available anywhere. But the cheapest I've seen for an individual 20g tub is KLIA2 duty free other than AirAsia. Hermo and Althea are online options and they do have sales often.
And no, I'm not sponsored to write this. I ju…

888: Five years

Kyle and I have been together for 5 years and 2 months now. And I've honestly realized that he's the one for me. We're not perfect. But we complement each other. After living together for so long, we've had to maintain a long distance relationship due to unseen circumstances. Obviously its not easy to get used to. I used to get so irritated because he snores loudly. And I miss that now. I'd rather he be here and snore when he sleeps. Not that its good health wise. But you get the point. 
We're both still unemployed. I literally have 3 degrees. Kyle has a PhD. I've applied for a Masters programme and got an offer few months ago. They were impressed with my application but clearly not impressed enough to offer me a scholarship. Jokes aside, I accept it. I'm hoping that this is the right decision for me to take. And I do hope that once I complete my Masters, Kyle and I can settle down at the same place again.
So, a former classmate of mine has been really …