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I received an email a few months ago from someone who reads my blog. And I've been contemplating on how to respond to it and whether I should.
This person who emailed me has been reading my blog from what seems to be since I started. In the email he asked me if Luke came back would I still be with him and whether I really loved him if I'm dating Kyle. First of all, Luke isn't coming back. He passed away in 2012. There was a funeral and everything. And yes, I started dating Kyle less than a year after that and I feel guilty about it to this day. But does that mean I didn't love him? No. I don't believe that love can be replaced. Its not a quota system where I need to un-love someone to fall in love with someone else.
One of the other things in the email was why I'm so "emo" on this blog. I started blogging when I was in highschool after Luke and I broke up the first time. I was 17 then and hence the name Page 17. I was very open about my life on the b…

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Kyle and I have been talking on and off for quite some time now. I'm not sure if I wrote about it here. But I did visit him in April this year when I went back for the Easter break. We decided to try to make things work again. I'm sceptical that things will be different. I mean, its not one single problem that led us to all the chaos. It was a lot of things accumulated over the years. Having said that, this was also the longest that we've been in two different places physically. Melbourne - Johor Bahru wasn't too bad because I wasn't in Melbourne for very long and he visited me twice and stayed for almost a month each time. Kyle is coming over to Glasgow next week. Mostly to help me pack my stuff and fly back to Malaysia (I bought way too many winter clothes!). I'm happy that he's coming. I asked him to come during my winter break too but he refused. Anyway, I wish that we'd have some alone time together. Because we need time alone to sort through thing…

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I've been wanting to get a polaroid camera for the longest time. I finally decided to buy one the other day and it arrived yesterday! I'm so excited to start using it soon. I bought the value pack which included the camera and two packs of colour film and one black and white film. I also purchased an extra pack of film which is supposedly the retro effect one. 



I accidentally took the photo on the left while trying to setup the phone app T_T. These look similar to the Fujfilm instax ones on photo but they're actually quite different. But I still feel that the original Polaroid back then is much better quality because I came across a Polaroid photo of my father from the 80s.



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I've been quite busy in the lab for the past month or so. I submitted my dissertation a few days ago and I'm currently waiting for my viva which is in a few weeks.
YX was not allowed to continue with the project. I genuinely feel bad about the entire situation. Especially because of how everything ended. I was leaving the lab one evening when he came in and asked for my help. He wanted to know the overview of the project so that he can redo his assignment. After talking to him for a while I realised that he came because he needed someone to talk to. He held on to me and cried for quite some time. Because he's forced to exit the course with a postgraduate diploma. At the end, I did apologise for not helping him much when we started off in the lab. I wish I had been nicer to him. But at a postgrad level, I assume everyone would have expectations of competency from colleagues? I know I can be very harsh sometimes when it comes to academic stuff. It has been more than a month …

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I often tend to get in trouble because I don't hide how I feel. But I've been working on that lately. Someone said something while everyone was eating the other day and I really wanted to speak out but decided not to. It reminded me of this GIF. So yeah, I just sat there and ate my food.

I have been doing quite a bit of extra work in the lab. And I do hope it pays off in the end. I'm not the first one in the morning, but I'm the last one to leave and I go there during the weekends as well. Obviously I want a stellar recommendation letter.

These are my fluorescent stem cells! I think they make for very interesting wallpaper designs. I mean obviously not this particular photo. But something taken at a better resolution.

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Work at the lab has been extremely hectic the last week. We were supposed to change the growth media of the cell cultures the other day. I did mine when YX went off for lunch. So when he came back I asked him to do his. And then he asks me how to do it. We have done it 6 times so far and our supervisor has explained the first time and I have explained the remaining 5 times. Language barrier shouldn't be an excuse at this point. Write it down in chinese if you have to. But write it so that you have something to refer to. So at the end I had to stop my work and help him. It was the same when I asked him to prepare a buffer solution since I did it the previous day. He doesn't know what a measuring cylinder is. I ended up having to prepare it myself because it was easier than having to explain because he wants to argue with every step I do. I'm really trying to be supportive because he has a lot of trouble understanding English. But at this point into the project I feel like …

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Today has been. I don't know how to describe it. We have been sharing the cell culture plates this entire week where he does the first three and I do the last three. Lets just call him YX. We were supposed to transfer the cultures to bigger plates according to the protocol with different reagents in each well. Among the things that need to be added are two different antibiotics. And all the wells are supposed to get both antibiotics except the first well. YX added antibiotics into the first well essentially killing off all the cells. To say that I was irritated would be an understatement. Because I explained it to him when he asked me and he didn't believe me. If you don't want to believe me, atleast ask your supervisor. I just hope that I was able to save it. Because if not it will push us back by 2 weeks. He doesn't understand the rationale behind the experiment at all. Even when I explain it he doesn't want to believe. Then stop asking me. And its so frustratin…