Showing posts from 2016


Things have quietened down for a few days. I feel like I haven't had inner peace since June this year. If that even makes sense. I just got back to Johor Bahru and I'm sick. Happens all the time. Its like I'm allergic to this place. I've spent the last month or so traveling around Malaysia. Kyle and I went on a road trip again and we decided to cover more places this time. We started our trip from KLIA and ended it at Johor Bahru. The trip itself was mostly good except for the part where we got into a very big fight. And I'm not sure whether things will be the same again. We're still together but it doesn't feel the same anymore. But I don't give up just like that, especially with our fourth anniversary coming soon. So lets see how this story tells itself.


I feel uncomfortable when I don't have plans. I have plans for my free days as well. I always need to know what is happening next. Ever since everyone found out that I'm basically done with studies, people have been asking me what I'm going to do next. Have I gotten a job? Where am I going to work and what not. All these questions make me very uncomfortable because I don't know the answer to any of it myself. And a lot of people assume that I say I don't know because I don't want to tell anyone. But that's not true. As of right now, I'm just trying to settle last minute paperwork for back up plans which popped out of nowhere. I'm not entirely sure that I want to do this at all even though I'm sort of committed to it now. More updates on that once I know what's happening.
It gets tiring at times because of my need to be in control of every single thing. And I'm glad I have Kyle to fall back on at times. He's in Singapore right now wi…


So much has happened since I last posted here. I came back to Johor Bahru at the end of October, went home for a week during mid November and I'm now in KL. I haven't really had the chance to unpack anything properly. It has mostly been shifting around my stuff from one luggage to the other and maximising useable luggage space. My parents are coming over to KL in a couple of days and my biggest concern as always is how to squeeze in the luggage in the car boot.
Kyle planned a "surprise" birthday celebration for me. But I knew most of the stuff because he kept stuff lying around the house. And its hard to keep secrets from me anyway. But I love surprises. So that's there.

I loved the cake! It was really beautifully done and looked adorable. Kyle got me the 200mL Boy Chanel from the Les Exclusifs collection and it's the most expensive fragrance that I've ever had. I'm so worried I'll drop it one day! Lets just hope I don't. 'Quidditch Throug…


I have been so lazy lately. I started writing a blog post few days back and didn't know how to continue it. I need to get my laundry done tomorrow so that I can finally start packing. I'm excited to go back. But at the same time, I do hope this isn't my last time here. Because that's what I have been telling myself. That's what I have been telling everyone who asks me to visit random places here. And I'm like, I'm going to move to Australia and I have the rest of my life for that. But I still do not have a job and honestly that is scary. I've been trying to convince myself that if I can't get a job here as a doctor, I'm going to go in to research. But every time I step inside the hospital I'm reminded of why I chose this path and I don't think I can be fully committed and happy with just a research job. I know it sounds like a "first world problem", which is why I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about this openl…


I have 12 more working days before I can go back. Getting excited!
I haven't really been doing much lately except watching youtube and reading random stuff on the internet. I should be focusing more on finishing up my literature review and doing the powerpoint slides for my final presentation. But I just don't have the motivation to do anything.
It was 35°C this afternoon. All my clothes were dry in less than 30 minutes.
I should probably get my stuff ready for tomorrow morning. I'm so tempted to just wear normal clothes and go in because as soon as I reach the operating theatre I need to get changed into scrubs anyway and its such a waste of my formal clothes. >_>


I was looking at my phone a while ago and saw this. It was like a beam of light shining through the darkness.
I did my laundry during lunch today. It was so hot outside all my clothes dried in an hour. I'm so amazed because in Johor Bahru I don't have space to hang my clothes outside to dry. So I'm not used to getting my clothes washed and dried in such a short period of time. But I'm not a fan on the smell the clothes have after they've been sun-dried. And I can't imagine the damage it does to some coloured fabrics as well. 
I hate insects. And lizards. There are so many dead bees in the toilet I can't even. How did they even get in? The windows in the toilet are closed all the time. And this weekend is my turn to clean the toilet. Ugh. 
I'm so tired and sleepy right now. I haven't been able to sleep properly for two weeks now. I have such a hard time falling asleep and when I do fall asleep, I keep waking up every now and then. I'm pretty sur…

863: t-23

I was talking to Kyle on the phone the other day and we agreed on going on another road trip at the end of this year. During December 2014 and January 2015 we went on a road trip in Malaysia along the west coast. Our itinerary was like this.

Johor Bahru --> Kuala Lumpur --> Melaka --> Ipoh --> Kangar --> Georgetown --> Putrajaya --> Cameron Highlands --> Johor Bahru --> Singapore --> Kuala Lumpur --> Johor Bahru
It took us 25 days to complete the trip. Mainly because my parents joined us at Putrajaya onwards for the rest of the trip. To be honest, the reason we planned the first road trip was because we wanted to go somewhere during the holidays but it was a bit too expensive to go overseas. And I'm glad we made that decision because I had a lot of fun on that entire trip except the times when my parents were being very difficult >_>
Its such a coincidence that my car servicing falls on November/December and I don't have to worry about g…

862: Terribly missing familiar faces and familiar places

I planned to go to the hospital today but ended up sleeping in. Lonely isn't a feeling I have experienced for quite some time now. Terribly missing familiar faces and familiar places.


I have 28 more days left before flying back to Johor Bahru.

I was in the operating theatre today drawing up medication and preparing the tray for the next case. It was all fun until I cut myself while trying to open an ampoule of Fentanyl. I think the manufacturers should come up with a better design. And I'm not saying that because I cut myself today. I've always thought that ampoules are the worst design ever to have medication in. Other than that, I'm looking forward to spending the weekend in the hospital as well. If I keep myself busy, I won't be thinking about other stuff.

860: Where is "home"?

So many things have happened in the last couple of weeks. Kyle & I went to Sydney earlier this month and it was one of the best trips ever. I'm going to post more about the trip once I go back to Johor Bahru next month because I accidentally left the SD card in Kyle's laptop and he just left to Johor Bahru this morning. 
Towards my last week in Melbourne I got really sick with a cold and we weren't really able to go to the places we wanted to go despite having rented the car. It was such a waste. And the weather was pretty bad too. It was raining the entire day for a few days in a row. 
I'm currently in a small town bordering Victoria and New South Wales for my final rotation. Initially I was really looking forward to it. But ever since I came here I've been wanting to go back. It just doesn't feel right and its so frustrating because I can't pin point to what the real reason is. And this is my first night sleeping at my place here. I was staying with


I received an email from Malaysia Airlines earlier today saying that my flight from Melbourne to Johor Bahru has changed. I feel like this always happens to me. Even when I came to Melbourne, they changed it. Booking the ticket until the flight landed was such a nightmare. I emailed a complaint in June and have yet to receive a response. I'm so fed up with them. I've honestly had so many bad experiences with Malaysia Airlines I can't even.
I can't believe I'll be moving again in 10 days. I don't even know what to expect this time. Hmm.


Last week was pretty eventful. On Friday night, Kyle and I met up with a blogger who was visiting Melbourne for a few days. The world works in weird ways. I used to talk to him on Windows Live Messenger back then and then we lost touch and he started blogging and moved to Australia. I'm so glad we finally met up. We had coffee at this place at The Emporium and then went to the Docklands to see the fireworks. It was the last night for the fireworks so the place was pretty packed. 

After the fireworks, we had dinner at this Vietnamese place nearby mainly because that's the only place I know around there.

On Saturday, Kyle and I went to the botanic gardens and walked around. It was meh. I still prefer the Singapore Botanic Gardens.

From there, we walked to the Shrine of Remembrance. Pretty interesting stuff there.

We passed by the National Gallery of Victoria on the way into the city and went inside for a bit.


We purposely made a detour because I wanted to see …


I have been relatively busy this weekend. On Saturday I went to Melbourne airport to pick up Kyle. It was so cold in the morning. As usual, I reached the bus stop way too early and had to wait there for 20 minutes. It was 2°C. I don't know how others do it here honestly. But getting to and from Melbourne airport isn't convenient at all. Yeah, they do have a dedicated bus service. But that departs from the city. I'm staying quite far from the city. So I took a bus that took me 3 hours to reach the airport. Anyway, we took a taxi back and it cost us $130. What even.

This is my newest obsession. If only it came without the added sugar. I don't like my drinks too sweet.


I've been going to the post office quite often lately to collect the stuff I bought online. So anyway, the guy at the post office counter recognises me and I don't even have to show any ID anymore. Which is sort of a good thing. I'm having a hard time reading his body language. He seems friendly and nice but at the same time he seems to be judging me. Like even if the queue was super long if he sees me he'll yell out my name and wave but at the same time he gives off a very uncomfortable vibe. Hmm.
One of the things I bought online are shoes. Shoes are literally the only things that I normally dare to buy online because I'm so afraid that if I buy shirts/pants they won't fit nicely. But turns out that the shoe is so much smaller and it doesn't fit me. It's like Drizella wearing the glass slippers. They have free returns but its annoying because I wanted to wear it to the hospital this week itself. The shoe label says US10, which is my shoe size. Mostly…


Talk about a horrible week. So many things have happened yesterday. I got a call from the bank about some fraudulent transactions. I have no idea how that happened. But whoever did it has used up all the money in my account. The only place I've used it in a store is at the supermarket and I always use the PayPass/PayWave feature. I never insert the card. But I have used my card to buy stuff online so that could have been it. Sigh. I'm so annoyed about this. At least the bank told me that they will refund the money. So that's good.

BubbleGum (L) & JellyBean (R)
Kyle called me last night to tell me that a motorcycle hit his car (JelllyBean). I swear to God, Johor Bahru is the worst place to drive. No one knows how to drive properly. We have been in 4 accidents with that car ever since I moved there. The first one was when I was driving out from a petrol station and the car behind me crashed into my car. The second one was when another car crashed into the car from behind …


This week seems to be going by pretty slowly for me. I'm trying to not get lost in the new hospital. I find it so weird that the ground floor is labelled as level 2 here. The registrar is pretty nice. He is very willing to teach but the team dynamics aren't as good as they were in the previous hospital. Mainly because they hate the consultant here. I try not to judge someone until I get to know them better. So far, the consultant seems pretty okay to me. Hmm but it's only been two days. 
It's a 20 minute walk from my place to the hospital so I'm still trying to figure out what is the critical time for me to wake up in order to get ready and have breakfast before going. Other than that, I'm pretty excited to have the stuff I ordered online be delivered some time soon. I chose the parcel collect service where I can go to the nominated post office to collect my stuff instead of delivering it home. One of the main reasons I did that was because I wasn't sure w…


I have finally moved! The hosts at this new place are amazing. They're an old-ish couple in their 50s I guess. The wife is from Philippines and the husband is caucasian Australian. I've been talking to the wife a lot because she's always around the kitchen area. She's extremely nice. A bit too nice if you ask me. She keeps forcing me to eat more. No thanks. I've lost 9kg since I came here and I'd like to continue it that way. Haha.

But I can't deny that this place is ridiculously expensive. So maybe that's the reason they're so nice. I'm going to make full use of my time here. And, the most amazing thing is, there's a church next door and that's a Pokéstop! I can collect stuff from the Pokéstop while being lazy in bed!


On Thursday night, I received a text from the AirBnB host saying that she's going to cancel my booking because she's having a "family emergency". I was supposed to move in on Saturday (today). So I stayed up and found another place that was nearer to the next hospital that I'll be going to. Like it's walking distance so I won't be wasting my money on the bus. But the price is still not justified. Its so much more expensive. I didn't have a choice so I booked the place. AirBnB was supposed to refund my previous booking to offset the new booking and I top up the remaining amount. But they were so incompetent. They couldn't get it done and I didn't have enough cash in my account to pay. The past few days have been so tiring. I ended up withdrawing cash using my Maybank card to pay. I just hope the new hosts are nice. They better be nice. I'm paying so much to stay there.


One thing I really can't stand is openly racist people. I believe that everyone is racist to a certain extent. But keep that at home and don't bring that negativity to work. During my first week here one of the university staff mistook me for someone else and she justified that by saying "oh all you people from Malaysia look the same". A simple apology would have been sufficient to be honest. She didn't have to say that. I found it quite offensive. So I responded to that by saying "yeah, I've been having the same problem since I came to Melbourne, everyone here looks the same." The reason I suddenly remembered this was because Kyle called me earlier today and told me about something that happened in his uni. He's studying at a public uni and he is an ethnic minority. Do I even need to elaborate on the shit that goes on there. Honestly, I can't wait for him to graduate and leave that place for good.
Moving on to more depressing things, I for…


Kyle and I have been pretty suspicious about the owner of the house that I'm staying at. He says that he's from China and been here for only a couple of months. But his job which he told us about doesn't explain a lot of other stuff. I actually found this place through AirBnb and it really was a good deal because I'm staying directly opposite the hospital. So anyway, when I came back home this afternoon, no one was at home. And this music sheet on top of the piano caught my eye. I took piano lessons when I was younger so I was curious what song it was. As I was going through the sheets, which I probably shouldn't have, I saw some other documents. Some bank papers for a house loan in the CBD, CVs for job applications under multiple names and some sort of income tax sheets with annual earnings exceeding 4 million AUD. And the most intriguing part was that there were two CVs with two different names. Both had the same surname as a book author. Something fishy is defin…


The effects of walking all over the city is finally kicking in. I was so tired when I woke up this morning. In the end, I didn't go to the hospital. I do feel guilty about it. But my assessment has been signed off and there's nothing much to do anyway. In a way, I still miss the hospital in Malaysia. Although no one was particularly nice, they made an effort to teach us. Here in Australia, everyone is really nice. But there's not much teaching going on. Instead, you learn the day-to-day paper work stuff which is useful but that's not what I'm looking for. I have 13 weeks and 4 days of official "classes" before my course ends. Can I even call it classes? I spend most of my time in the wards everyday. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. I keep asking myself, am I really ready to graduate as a doctor?


I'm so tired right now I don't even know where to begin. Despite it being the weekend, I woke up super early and took an Uber to the mall nearby here to get my laptop checked. There were so many people at the store. So the guy checked my laptop and told me that there's nothing wrong. Hmm. Maybe my housemates did something to the internet? Anyway, so instead of taking an Uber back home, I tried a new bus and train combination to get back home and reached earlier than expected. I was supposed to go out with a classmate. I regret that now. He was so useless with directions and everything. I can't even. We walked so much today. But looking back at it, I'm proud of myself. I covered 20k steps in one day!

Since my laptop wifi still doesn't seem to be working and because I've run out of data from my mobile, this is the setup I have done so that I can FaceTime while still doing my work. The colours in this photo looks so horrible because I tried to adjust it. The …


I've been contemplating about changing my blog title for some time now. The main reason that this blog is titled as Page 17 is because of all the shit that happened when I was 17. But mainly because of my breakup with Luke. But it has been such a long time since then and maybe I need a fresh start. It's not like I'm holding on to that or don't have closure. If I were to really put things into perspective, so many things have happened since then. I have been with other people and back with him and then he passed away and now I'm with Kyle. Hmm. I'm still not sure. Page 17 has a nice ring to it and there's a story behind the name. So its not too bad either I guess.


I can't believe that I have been here for over a month now. I'll be moving to a different place in 9 days. And I'm honestly terrified. Because there's a dog at the house that I'm moving to. I'm really afraid of dogs/cats. Ugh. I regret booking that place even though it seemed like a good choice back then. People have been telling me that the next hospital I'm going to is in a dodgy area and that I should really be careful. That's not helping either. Obviously I get very stressed about unnecessary things like this. Hopefully everything turns out well.
Looking on the bright side, I'm glad to be moving out from the place I'm currently staying at. My housemates cook a lot and they never switch on the fume hood or open the windows. So the smell wafts through to my room even if I keep my room door shut. Its extremely annoying. Last night, they had steamboat and they left all the leftover food all over the kitchen and dining table uncovered. I went do…


So the other day we had a workshop off campus. After the workshop, we were walking towards the train station and I was behind everyone else when suddenly someone grabbed my arm and pulled me towards one side. Initially I thought it was one of them pulling me because there was a car or something. But this was a pedestrian only zone and there were no vehicles around. So I turned to look at whoever was grabbing my arm and its this middle aged lady and she was like "can you give me some money". Ugh. Why does this always happen to me?! Few years ago the exact same thing happened when I was at an ATM in KL. 

 Look at this Vodafone ad!
I actually don't have much happening right now. This week has been pretty boring other than that encounter with the crazy lady. I'll be moving to a new place at the end of next week. I'm not really looking forward to it although I can't stand the people in this house.


I spent almost the entire day on FaceTime with Kyle. There's something terribly wrong with my laptop wifi so I used my phone as a hotspot (which was connected to wifi). Every time I looked at my phone, it showed that I was connected to wifi. But this morning I got a text from Vodafone saying that I have used more than 50% of my monthly data quota. I have 3 more weeks left before the quota renews again. And I have just found out that it's not possible to create a hotspot like that. Anyway, I've made an appointment at the Apple Store to get it checked. God I hope I don't have to get anything fixed because I procrastinated on buying AppleCare and now its too late. Kill me now.

I was actually supposed to go out with a classmate of mine yesterday. But he was being such a little bitch I decided to not go. He wanted to go to the city and see a few places. So I told him I don't mind that, but we should decide to cover one area rather than walk all over the place. On the w…


Two weeks ago, Kyle and I rented a car and went on a short road trip during the weekend. We rented the car at a promo but ended up paying more because we picked it up at the airport ><

That really sums up our trip. We left Melbourne early morning on Saturday and came back Sunday night. Waiting impatiently for Kyle to come back for our trip to Sydney in September.


I normally don't ask people for help because I have never had any good experiences with doing that. But I do try to believe that some people can genuinely be good. Before I came to Melbourne, my mum told me that a family friend lives in Melbourne and that they are willing to pick me up from the airport and help me with stuff. One of the main reasons I was actually willing to take up on the offer was because I needed my working with children check done and it requires a postal address. But I'll be moving to a different place every few weeks. So getting the card in the mail would not have been convenient at all. I opted to use their address for that and my bank account as well. When Kyle and I arrived, I texted them using the airport wifi since I couldn't find them and asked where to wait. Honestly, this is my first time in Melbourne. But I'm not stupid and I can read directions well. So they asked us to stay inside the terminal at the arrival area. And that's where…


I'm about to graduate in a couple of months and the whole "girlfriend" question from the family seems to be just around the corner. My cousin has already told me that he overheard this. The thing I don't understand is how can my mother not know that I'm gay and Kyle is my boyfriend. She has visited our place multiple times and has seen our bedroom. We have a queen sized bed and it is so obvious that we sleep on the same bed. What type of roommates sleep on the same bed for more than 3 years??? I feel very uncomfortable with this entire situation. Because she actually likes Kyle. And that's the first time she has ever liked any of my friends or boyfriends. When I was in school, Luke used to come over to my place quite often and my mom would always make up some excuse and force me to make him leave. She can't possibly be okay with the fact that I'm gay because she's so homophobic. Sooner or later I'll definitely have to deal with this.


Making a fresh start is never easy. There's so much to do and so much to get used to. I always get very excited about moving to a new place until the day comes when I have to actually move and then I get cold feet. Same thing happened when I came to Melbourne from JB. I've been in Melbourne for almost a month now. And things seemed alright. Mainly because I wasn't alone. Kyle was with me so it was much easier to adjust. He went back to JB last night and the feeling of emptiness is sinking in.
Things haven't been all that smooth for us. We've been having lots of arguments and decided to separate earlier this year. But somehow we have worked it out. I think. I'm not sure how we did it either. But I'm glad that we did and I hope it remains like this.


I always have the urge to write a post when I'm busy and should be focusing on other stuff. I'm supposed to be doing this research paper now but I'm not in the mood to do it at all. Coz honestly, I can't find any relevant papers published in the last 10 years. Anyway, I've been wanting to write about the end of year trip that Kyle and I had.

We started planning for it some time in February 2015. And I think I tend to plan things too much. Like, I need to plan it down to the fine details. Definitely something I need to work on actually. Our first stop was from JB to KL. And I must say, it was pretty eventful. We've been having a lot of arguments recently and I really thought the trip would help both of us. 
After a night in KL, we went to Melaka. It was my first time in Melaka so it was pretty nice. But we didn't get to try any food at all because I didn't really want to queue for so long. It was the school holidays! From Melaka, we drove to Ipoh.