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Showing posts from May, 2013

790

I've been wanting to write about this for a while but other things keep coming up that I have to blog about. Please read the entire post before you start judging me. 
So, sometime last year this guy messaged me on Grindr. My first thought was to ignore him coz he was effeminate. But then I realized that there's enough hate within the gay community and I shouldn't choose to not talk to someone because of something as trivial as that. And I do have my reasons to keep my distance from effeminate guys. This one time in high school, a group of them cornered me in a classroom just because of a rumor that I scored higher in a Biology test than one of them. The point is, I've always seen them as very intimidating people. And I'm trying to be more understanding. I know that I shouldn't generalize a group of people just because of something one person does or has done. So yes, I'm still trying and it'd be super nice if I actually got to know someone like that in…

789: First impressions

"I thought you aren't very bright."
"I didn't think you'd be able to answer that."
"Before you opened your mouth, I thought you were quite dumb."
Honestly, those are some people's first impressions of me. And they've said it to my face. I wonder whether I really look that dumb >_> I might look perpetually lost and blur most of the time. Or even angry and unapproachable. But I never knew that I looked "dumb". 
Anyway, the reason I'm writing about this is because my groupmates treat me like I don't know anything. Just recently for a group work, I was assigned a super light task while everyone was overloaded with things to do. Like, really? The most frustrating part is when even the tutors don't include me in any discussions. He/she will go around asking everyone questions and will conveniently skip me every single time. It's not in my head coz it has been happening for the entire semester. It's so frustr…

788

I had a horrible nightmare last night. Apparently I died. And as a  punishment for my sins, I'm forced to see Luke die in the car crash repeatedly. When I woke up, my pillow was soaked in tears and I was sweating. And it literally hurt. It has been 440 days since the accident. *sigh* And I'm scared to talk about this with the boyfriend because. I don't know. How do you talk about such a thing with your boyfriend? I know that people are going to say that was my past and I should focus on the present. Or something along those lines. But it's super easy to say that.

787

So since it's Mother's day, I thought I should write this.
My mother and I have never really gotten along well. And this was very apparent as I was growing up. But that doesn't mean I don't love her. I do. I guess we have come to a point where both of us agree to disagree and just move on. Surprisingly, we've been getting along much better ever since I moved out. So that's good I guess.
She taught me how to read and write. And it's not easy to teach me because I can't concentrate for very long. I get distracted easily. She was patient with me and made me become more fluent in English than my mother tongue. And I'm glad she did.
When my dad passed away she took me to the most expensive toy store and asked me to buy anything I want. I chose a set of 6 rubber ninja dolls. She told me about my dad after that. I know, she tried to make me feel better. And I guess in her own way, she did. But I never needed the toys. I never used to play with the expensi…

786

The past week has been very hectic. Replacement classes and preparing for an exam, which  I did very badly on. I shouldn't blame the examiner entirely but he did contribute a lot for my poor performance. For starters, he was late by 35 minutes which basically meant that I had only 25 minutes to do it. But I passed and I guess that's all that matters right now.
I always have a hard time from moving on. Be it broken friendships or more. But I think I'm slowly improving on that. Which is a good thing. I really do spend an unhealthy amount of time being depressed just because we're not friends anymore. Or things like that.
On an unrelated note, my lip balm broke and there aren't any Kiehl's outlets here. ): Went to JPO with a classmate and coincidentally found a shop that sells an extremely limited range of Kiehl's products. So I got a new one although it's not exactly the same.
I absolutely cannot stand people who get jealous or are overly possessive. One…

785

I have been sick for the past three weeks and have missed several classes. Staying at home and sleeping sounds like erm fun, for the lack of a better word. But really, it isn't. Mainly because I hate staying at home.  I guess I'm way too used to the boyfriend staying over at my place now. See, he has been staying over almost every day ever since I was sick. And I can't sleep right now coz I'm actually afraid to sleep alone. I know. It's so easy to get used to the good things. I have been sleeping alone for over six years and all of a sudden I'm afraid. >_>
Oh yeah. I keep forgetting to blog about this. Last year, I came out to one of my classmates. And I'm the type of person who will not keep in touch with you unless you make an effort yourself. So obviously she didn't try. So I was like whatever, I'm done. But then, she has apologized recently and has been trying to keep in touch with me. With our different schedules, it is difficult but not…