Showing posts from 2013


I've been meaning to write this ever since I came back from KL. But I've been sick and wasting my time doing nothing. The trip to KL was rather chaotic. Kyle bought me an induction cooker for as my birthday gift. I'm quite happy with it. I bought new shoes as well. We were checking the shoe for Kyle and they didn't have it in his size so I bought it for myself. XD. 
So anyway, we spent 3 days in KL and then stopped by Kyle's hometown on the way to JB, stayed there for two days (I think) and then went to Kluang and came back to JB. Its so uncomfortable to stay at his hometown because we sleep on the same bed but we keep a huge wall of pillows in-between us just in case we touch each other while asleep and someone walks in on us. -_-
Got the aircon fixed on Saturday. Had to take down all of our photos near the dining table and bookshelf before the repair person came. I look forward to a day when we won't have to do that.
I'm going to open the Happy Jar at mi…


I didn't want to write about this earlier because I was scared. A week after my exams in November I got an email saying that I need to re-do it because my performance was unsatisfactory. It was so stressful. I cannot even begin to describe it. So I retook the exams with very little faith in myself. I mean, it's like a bitchslap in your face. During the practical exam, I almost broke in to tears when the examiner said "I don't believe you're a weak student. And I don't believe that you should be here retaking the exam". That was probably the nicest thing anyone could have told me at that point. All the examiners during the practical exam had assessed me during the semester as well. So whenever I couldn't answer something they asked I felt like I was a disappointment. On top of all that, Kyle was really supportive and kept comforting me. And Peanut kept me entertained. Thank you all for believing in me when I had stopped believing in myself. I honestly…


My birthday was actually last month. Kyle got me this cake at the last minute and I couldn't stop laughing. For those of you who don't know, "YAAASSSS" is actually something a Lady GaGa fan said which went viral. And whenever we're in the car Peanut and I keep saying YAAASSS and that's how Kyle knew about it. You can check the actual video here.

I mentioned about a friend in Entry 809. Honestly I don't know why I haven't given her a name on this blog. But anyway. We haven't been talking for a while now. And she messaged me today. And honestly I don't know what to do or say. I do understand her situation partly. Sigh. The entire issue is with her boyfriend not being okay with her talking to me. Apparently he doesn't feel "comfortable". >_>

Another thing that has been troubling me lately is my drawer chest. I bought it last year from Ikea before I moved here. And two out of the three drawers have started to have this really …


It has been really cold lately. Not complaining though. It's really nice. But with the windows closed it gets a bit stuffy inside and I don't want to open the windows. I'm afraid a lizard or something will come in ><. Kyle isn't at home tonight. If he was here I'd have opened the windows. I switched on the aircon a while ago and almost fainted. It smells like rotten shoes. So disgusting. And I can't seem to open the cover to clean it. It's actually due for servicing anyway. So most probably going to get it done next Saturday.
I've been craving for Magnum Ice Cream for a while ever since I saw it on a YouTube ad. When I was younger I wasn't allowed to eat a lot of things with food colouring and additives and all that. My parents were a bit over protective. So eating ice cream used to be once in a blue moon kind of thing. Went to 7-Eleven earlier and bought one. It's so meh. I don't really like it anymore.
I can't believe I still ha…


I can't remember whether I've written about this before. A few months ago I was at the express lane at Tesco to pay for my groceries when a father and son queued up behind me. The son must've been around 6 I think. He counted the number of things in the trolley and told his dad that it's more than 8 and the counter says maximum 8 items. (is it 8 or 6 at the express lane in Tesco? Either way, the maximum number at the express lane). So then the dad goes like "No, this is counted as only one item because all of it is the same thing". They trolley was filled with milk packets. 

I was actually checking Tumblr and saw this comic and that's what reminded me of the incident. They actually have a lot of interesting comics. You can check it out here. Some of them are NSFW, sort of.


I realised that I have started to dislike November a lot. And it has a lot to do with the fact that my birthday is in November. Getting an year older makes me cranky I guess. I mean, I feel like I have wasted a lot of time and not gotten anything done. It's hard to explain. 
I can't even begin to write how much I dislike being in JB. Being not so developed is one thing. But the people are so unfriendly and rude. No matter where you go in JB it's the same. Even the baristas in Starbucks are so rude. So actually I do feel miserable here. 
I'm not going back home for the holidays as usual. So I'll be staying here till the next semester starts. Ugh. I want to stab myself now. 
I went to Singapore with a friend last night. It was quite fun. I don't think a lot of people would really like it. But one of the things I used to do when I get stressed is walk in Ikea when I was in KL. And so that's what we did in Singapore last night. 
Has anyone ever noticed the signboar…


The past few days have been meh. I've been staying at home and doing nothing. And that's starting to get on my nerves. Like, I really need to do something. Well, I did bake the other day. Made orange cupcakes with molten chocolate centres. Is there a real name for it? I'm not sure. But I don't think Kyle really likes them >_>. He doesn't seem to be going crazy over them like he normally does when I bake. Haven't been able to take some over to Peanut's place for him to try coz if he's at home, I'm too lazy to go and if I'm not feeling lazy he's not at home ><.
We baked a tiny pizza together tonight. It was surprisingly nice. I got a small circular tray thing for RM 4.95 few weeks ago. It's rather flimsy but gets the job done. 
Earlier this year Kyle and I were planning to go on a road trip. But some things came up and we have to cancel it. Quite bummed about it.
I should probably start reading all the books that I bought last yea…


Exams are over and I'm scared to see the results. It was the hardest exam that I've ever done. And it gets worse when examiners are biased. So much for teaching us about moral values when you yourself can't be impartial in an exam. Forget being impartial, but I don't understand examiners who get angry and yell during the exam. Like, bitch what's your problem? I told you I will to do a full body CT for the patient and it was the correct answer. I really hate practical exams because you need to please each and every examiner according to their style. Bitch no. I'm not here to satisfy you. 
Obviously I'm very annoyed.
Wanted to pay my phone bill the other night and found out that the amount due was RM 165++. HOW does that even happen when I don't make any calls or text anyone. The only thing I use is LTE under the data plan. So I need to go to Maxis and get it settled soon.
It's my birthday in roughly a week's time and I miss someone. Because we u…


Preparing for exams has been extremely stressful. And every single day I keep questioning myself whether I'm capable of doing this. It's not easy really. People give all these out-of-the-text-book answers to all the questions and I'm like. Well. You know the feeling.
The worst part is the practical exam where anything can come out. Which means you actually need to know everything. 
Someone messaged me the other day and asked me how many days I have until the exam. Since I didn't count I just told him that I have two exams. And he was like "wow. medicine is so easy then. finals are also only two exams."
Bitch I will cut you! You have no idea how much we have to study for the two exams. 
So anyway, I'm generally in a bad mood these days and Kyle has been extremely good to me. Earlier today I was so stressed out that I actually wanted to cry. But I was studying outside with a friend. So I called him and he comforted me. 
Can't wait for exams to finish to go o…


I wrote about a friend of mine in entry 804. She Whatsapped me today, and to make the entire conversation short, she wants to be my friend on Whatsapp and not in real life. So I told her I quit. Like, I really did. And then she said I was being unfair. Are you kidding me? You don't want to be seen with me in public because your boyfriend doesn't like me.
When her boyfriend thought that there was something going on between me and her, I asked her to tell him that I'm gay. I'm not even out and God knows who he will tell. But I didn't want to be the reason for her to breakup with her boyfriend. And I wanted us to remain as friends. 
I'm sorry. But I will never be anyone's friend if you want to keep me as a secret. I don't care what your reason is. Her reason being that her boyfriend is uncomfortable coz I'm gay. Bitch please. He's not uncomfortable. He's being an asshole.
I remember us talking about a hypothetical scenario where she has a boyf…


It's been a while since I wrote here the last time. Honestly I'm very stressed about the final exams. I mean, who isn't right? My classmates make it even worse. The only discussion during lunch time or any other time for that matter these days would be about a systolic murmur or causes of SVT or something. It's extremely stressful. And unlike a lot of others, I get stressed when I don't know the answer to something they're discussing. So basically each day I have to see them is an ordeal.
Super excited for January. I think that's the only thing that keeps me going now. Kyle and I are going to Bali in January. It's more or less like an anniversary getaway. Supposed to have been in February but I'm busy in February so we decided to go earlier.
By this time next month, I'll be wondering whether I passed the exams. Hopefully I do.


I've been having trouble sleeping lately again. Maybe I'm subconsciously thinking about something too much.
Collected my laptop from HP on Friday. Quite frustrated because the fan sound is exceptionally loud now. And people keep asking me to switch to MacBook. Maybe it is really good. But it's way too expensive for me right now. For the specifications I want that is.
So I just realised that it has been a while since Kyle moved in with me. Initially it was coz I was sick. Then he started staying over more often and he has been officially living with me for slightly over two months now I think. And to think of it, I am very happy. Mainly because despite our differences and the arguments we have, we are able to talk and solve them. I mean, which couple does not argue? For me, a relationship doesn't feel real if everything is going too smoothly. Or maybe that's coz of the previous failed three relationships I guess. I don't know.
Sometimes it is really hard to fin…


Feeling much better now. Minus the annoying post nasal drip I'm fine. Although everyone keeps saying I look sick >_>
So the other day I had this weird dream. I was at home practicing sutures on a piece of chicken and my dad was laughing at me because my knots were ugly. It's weird coz my dad passed away almost 18 years ago and I've never had a dream which had him in it. For the suturing part, I know I've been very stressed about it because there's a possibility of it coming out in the exam.
In other news, my bag is about to break. I thought I can make do without buying a new one this year. Hmm. I have only a few more weeks left. I should figure something out coz I'd rather buy a new one next year.
And my laptop has died. I left it unplugged on the table before I went to KL. It didn't work at all after I came back. And it's not even one year old. Like. Ugh. How frustrating can it get. So I checked for the nearest service centre and there's onl…


I was having a sore throat last Thursday and decided that it was time to go and see a specialist. So after dropping Kyle off at work, I went to the hospital for a consultation. Turns out that my previous tonsillectomy wasn't done properly and I need to get the remaining part removed. Honestly I'm quite annoyed about this whole thing. And the whole procedure seems rather expensive as well. But I think my health insurance should cover it. Need to check that soon. Discussed the situation with my mum and Kyle and I've decided that if I'm going to get the surgery done I'll do it in KL rather than doing it here.
Kyle and I went to KL on Friday night after my class. We were supposed to leave at 7pm but he was late and we ended up leaving at 8pm. It was as if everyone had decided to drive north. Mother of all traffic jams really. By the time we reached the hotel it was 1am.

We went to Kamal to buy a book that I wanted the next day and saw this really old building. If only…


Whenever I say that I miss KL, people always laugh at me and just brush it off. I have felt more at home in KL than at my parent's house where I lived for 17 years. So it really isn't a tiny thing for me.
I was going through the texts in my phone earlier and came across these. These were with a very close friend in KL. Now that she has a boyfriend we have more or less stopped talking because her boyfriend is homophobic. And I miss her a lot. But I don't want to say it because I don't want her to be in a situation where she needs to choose.
We used to go out almost every single day. Have dinner together. Check out guys. Go shopping. And all that. Especially in the middle of the night. I remember we once drove all the way to Port Dickson at 2am.

On a more positive note, Kyle and I are going to KL this weekend. Quite excited about that.

803: That fine line between empathy and sympathy

As a medical student I see people in critical conditions almost every single day. And it's very depressing to see it. Because most of the patients are unaware of just how bad their prognosis is. Or maybe they're in denial. 
A few weeks ago I came across a HIV positive patient. It's really sad because he's very young and not on any form of treatment for HIV. The entire situation is really sad. I can't disclose too much here. So how do you draw the line between empathy and sympathy? 
And it's really surprising just how many doctors are actually homophobic.


I'm exhausted beyond words. If there is such a thing. But really, this week has been extremely tiring. And since I'm tired, I get annoyed at the tiniest things. I once told Kyle that he's my buffer solution. You know, the one we learn in Chemistry. But he didn't get the whole concept >_>
On an unrelated note. I believe that no matter how annoying someone is, if they do something nice or something good you should acknowledge it. I know someone who is super annoying. But he can be nice at times. Extremely nice. So just because he's annoying most of the time does it mean that we have to ignore the nice things he does? 
I want to go shopping ):


I discovered this new Facebook sticker recently and have been using it quite often. It's super cute! This conversation was with Kyle.

Actually I'm feeling very lazy today. Bleh. Can't wait to go home and sleep.
Haven't gone out with Peanut for quite some time now coz I was sick. Looking forward to this weekend! 
And, if anyone is bored, go check out my Tumblr!


So I'm feeling slightly better now. The sore throat got really painful by Friday that I couldn't even talk. When Kyle got back home in the evening we went to see the doctor again. Got a vancomycin and diclofenac injection for temporary relief. Was prescribed Cephalexin and Prednisolone. I was actually rather grumpy since I was in so much pain and couldn't talk. To make things worse, on the way back home, Kyle was driving at 70km/h on EDL. The speed limit is 90km/h. Not that anyone follows the speed limit. But at least drive at 90! So it turns out that when I asked him to drive faster he got angry >_>. 
Some people have been asking me whether Kyle is good to me. And their definition of good seems to be whether he takes care of me when I'm sick. He does. He takes care of me when I'm sick and I couldn't have asked for someone better to be honest. 
Being sick repeatedly has also made me realise just how troublesome it is to find a pharmacy in JB. Few nights ago…


Went to see the doctor on Monday night again because the fever wasn't subsiding. Got quite annoyed once the doctor started asking me what I think is the cause for the fever once he found out that I was a medical student. That is not the time to test how competent I am. Then again, I feel like the doctor was rather incompetent. This was the second visit and day 9 of the fever with no other symptoms and he didn't even order any blood tests. Anyway, I'm having a really bad sore throat now. So I'm guessing that's a secondary infection after the antibiotics.

Got the opinion of one of my tutors and she asked me a lot of questions for PUO. Then at the end she asked me "are you bleeding from any place?".
Been listening to Torn by Natalie Imbruglia the entire morning. Reminds me of when I was in school. It used to be aired on the radio quite frequently.


I've been having fever for seven consecutive days now. Went to see the doctor on Wednesday I think. Doesn't seem like the antibiotics worked at all. I honestly wonder what's wrong with me. The last medical check up I did in April didn't show anything. 
On an unrelated note, this has been bothering me for a while now. A friend of mine recently got attached. And I'm happy for her. What bothers me is how she has become homophobic and rather unpleasant lately. She has always been very supportive. I mean, we used to check out guys together. So I digged deeper and found out that her boyfriend is homophobic so she decided to do that as well. I should probably let it go. Clearly she's not worth it.


It's so cold here that it feels like my eyes are on fire. There are only three people inside the computer lab and both the aircons are switched on. I don't understand some people. Ugh.
I just want this semester to be over soon. But that also means sitting for the exams. Which is scary.
I miss KL and all the nice places. A random person asked me whether I like JB and I said I don't. She was rather offended. I mean, did you expect me to pretend? >_> 
Kyle played with my hair till I fell asleep last night. What more could you ask for from a guy. <3
What a random post.

My mum went to see the doctor for a follow up on a surgery she did a few years back. And since she was going, I asked her to get a medical check up done. She keeps saying she has emailed me her reports but I don't have them. Turns out that cellular data was not activated on her phone. >< She's so technologically challenged! Just a few weeks back she called me to ask how to use the wireles…


Today was a super productive day. I cleaned my room and changed the curtains. It feels so comfy now!
This is the view from my room window.


This has been long overdue. Been saying that I need to come up with a name for the boyfriend to use here on the blog. So he shall be named Kyle.
Kyle and I went to JPO yesterday to get something for his sister's birthday. After that we drove back home and were waiting till 5pm to drive in to Singapore. The whole VEP free entry thing. Anyway, we went to Ikea to get a table and two chairs to use in the dining area. It was fun. For some reason all the cashiers at Ikea were super nice to us. They weren't so nice and friendly the last time I went >_>
On the way back to JB we were wondering whether we need to declare the stuff we bought at the customs. I mean, it's for personal use. Neither of us actually knew the procedure. So we drove through the green lane as usual and the officer asked us to park on the side. Turns out that we were supposed to go to the red lane and declare the things. Since Kyle was driving, the officer took his passport and was threatening to withho…


So a funny thing happened the other day. One of my friends randomly messaged me on Facebook and told me that he knows who my boyfriend is. Apparently he saw a lot of photos of us together on Facebook. Haha. Turns out that he saw photos of me with a classmate and he just assumed that must be my boyfriend. Actually a lot of people have been assuming the same thing. Which is rather funny. 
Instagram is such a wonderful thing to stalk people. And I'm no different than the rest of you. So I was going through one of my friend's liked photos and discovered someone from highschool. Turns out that most of them went to NUS. Honestly I never bothered to keep in touch with anyone after I finished highschool. Saw their graduation photos and I don't know. I guess I felt a bit sad coz I'm still studying. Then again, I wouldn't have met some of the wonderful people who have changed my life if I had chosen a different path. So a part of me is still glad.

P.S. Johor Bahru is such a…


The point is, I feel too vulnerable when I post things here because people are way too superficial. And I know I shouldn't feel that way. But I do.


So I'm really really bored and want to go home. The initial plan was for me to stay in uni and get some work done since I'm free till 2pm. But I'm feeling so lazy I don't think I'll get anything done. And I can't go home coz the boyfriend drove today and he has the car. Ermahgerd. Next class is at 2pm.


Honestly I think I've been more lazy than busy to keep the blog neglected. Then again, I've been sick as well. There was that horrible fever in April when the doctor suspected it was Dengue. But repeated tests were negative despite the falling platelet count. A week after that I had flu over and over again.
Some time in June I went back home after nearly two years. Long story short and minus the family drama, it was uneventful. I stayed in the hotel room for my entire stay coz I was down with fever. My parents and aunts and cousins however did ask me whether I have a girlfriend when they came to visit me. I guess that question will become more frequent in the years to come. For now, I still have the excuse "I'm focusing on my studies".
When it comes to life as a medical student, I feel so incompetent. Then again, I guess almost everyone feels the same. 
It's going to be 5 months for our relationship in a week. Both of us agreed to not celebrate or acknowledg…


I've been wanting to write about this for a while but other things keep coming up that I have to blog about. Please read the entire post before you start judging me. 
So, sometime last year this guy messaged me on Grindr. My first thought was to ignore him coz he was effeminate. But then I realized that there's enough hate within the gay community and I shouldn't choose to not talk to someone because of something as trivial as that. And I do have my reasons to keep my distance from effeminate guys. This one time in high school, a group of them cornered me in a classroom just because of a rumor that I scored higher in a Biology test than one of them. The point is, I've always seen them as very intimidating people. And I'm trying to be more understanding. I know that I shouldn't generalize a group of people just because of something one person does or has done. So yes, I'm still trying and it'd be super nice if I actually got to know someone like that in…

789: First impressions

"I thought you aren't very bright."
"I didn't think you'd be able to answer that."
"Before you opened your mouth, I thought you were quite dumb."
Honestly, those are some people's first impressions of me. And they've said it to my face. I wonder whether I really look that dumb >_> I might look perpetually lost and blur most of the time. Or even angry and unapproachable. But I never knew that I looked "dumb". 
Anyway, the reason I'm writing about this is because my groupmates treat me like I don't know anything. Just recently for a group work, I was assigned a super light task while everyone was overloaded with things to do. Like, really? The most frustrating part is when even the tutors don't include me in any discussions. He/she will go around asking everyone questions and will conveniently skip me every single time. It's not in my head coz it has been happening for the entire semester. It's so frustr…


I had a horrible nightmare last night. Apparently I died. And as a  punishment for my sins, I'm forced to see Luke die in the car crash repeatedly. When I woke up, my pillow was soaked in tears and I was sweating. And it literally hurt. It has been 440 days since the accident. *sigh* And I'm scared to talk about this with the boyfriend because. I don't know. How do you talk about such a thing with your boyfriend? I know that people are going to say that was my past and I should focus on the present. Or something along those lines. But it's super easy to say that.


So since it's Mother's day, I thought I should write this.
My mother and I have never really gotten along well. And this was very apparent as I was growing up. But that doesn't mean I don't love her. I do. I guess we have come to a point where both of us agree to disagree and just move on. Surprisingly, we've been getting along much better ever since I moved out. So that's good I guess.
She taught me how to read and write. And it's not easy to teach me because I can't concentrate for very long. I get distracted easily. She was patient with me and made me become more fluent in English than my mother tongue. And I'm glad she did.
When my dad passed away she took me to the most expensive toy store and asked me to buy anything I want. I chose a set of 6 rubber ninja dolls. She told me about my dad after that. I know, she tried to make me feel better. And I guess in her own way, she did. But I never needed the toys. I never used to play with the expensi…


The past week has been very hectic. Replacement classes and preparing for an exam, which  I did very badly on. I shouldn't blame the examiner entirely but he did contribute a lot for my poor performance. For starters, he was late by 35 minutes which basically meant that I had only 25 minutes to do it. But I passed and I guess that's all that matters right now.
I always have a hard time from moving on. Be it broken friendships or more. But I think I'm slowly improving on that. Which is a good thing. I really do spend an unhealthy amount of time being depressed just because we're not friends anymore. Or things like that.
On an unrelated note, my lip balm broke and there aren't any Kiehl's outlets here. ): Went to JPO with a classmate and coincidentally found a shop that sells an extremely limited range of Kiehl's products. So I got a new one although it's not exactly the same.
I absolutely cannot stand people who get jealous or are overly possessive. One…


I have been sick for the past three weeks and have missed several classes. Staying at home and sleeping sounds like erm fun, for the lack of a better word. But really, it isn't. Mainly because I hate staying at home.  I guess I'm way too used to the boyfriend staying over at my place now. See, he has been staying over almost every day ever since I was sick. And I can't sleep right now coz I'm actually afraid to sleep alone. I know. It's so easy to get used to the good things. I have been sleeping alone for over six years and all of a sudden I'm afraid. >_>
Oh yeah. I keep forgetting to blog about this. Last year, I came out to one of my classmates. And I'm the type of person who will not keep in touch with you unless you make an effort yourself. So obviously she didn't try. So I was like whatever, I'm done. But then, she has apologized recently and has been trying to keep in touch with me. With our different schedules, it is difficult but not…

784: My favourite boys

My two favourite boys. The two people that I love the most right now is my boyfriend and Peanut. They make the annoying things in life bearable and bring joy in the little things in life.
The boyfriend wasn't feeling well (definitely wasn't from me!) and has been sleeping since 7pm-ish. And my God! He can sleep! I accidentally dropped my books in the room, dropped a water bottle (the stainless steel ones from Bros mind you) and even several missed calls at full volume and he was still fast asleep. I was doing laundry and suddenly saw a cockroach. I HATE cockroaches. And I'm afraid of them as well. Since he was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him up, I used the insecticide. I didn't think that it would start running and flying around the house. OMG. Worst thing ever. So after several stifled screams I decided to wake him up and ask him to kill it. When I woke him up and asked him to kill the cockroach he was like "What? I thought you were being raped".…


I went to City Square earlier today to buy something and since I wasn't feeling that well, the boyfriend decided to meet me there and then come home with me. Once he reached, we went to have dinner. Obviously the first thing he saw was the shopping bag and and started scolding me and hit me on the arm lightly. I mean, it's all in fun. This happened on the escalator and both of us were laughing. What turned my laughter upside down was the guy on the escalator behind me who went up a couple steps, turned around and gave us a disgusted look. I know I shouldn't be affected by it, but I am. And it's not like we were holding hands or anything of that sort. He just jokingly hit my arm and we were laughing on the escalator. Oh well.


I was going to write about something else and we all know that I'm too emotionally constipated to pour it all out that easily. So let's digress for a while about something else shall we.
One of my mum's friend is following me on Instagram. WHY would anyone do that. *sigh* It's not that I post up scandalous stuff on Instagram. But it just makes me very uncomfortable. And I don't want to make my account private coz, well, I don't post anything private. If that is the case, then I should be okay with my mum's friend following me on Instagram right? But I'm not. And I don't know why. Also, I don't know what to do about it. 
The other day Peanut gave me the link to this Gay Confessions page on Facebook. Have a look at it. Some of the coming out stories are rather heartbreaking.


So I've been sick for a while now. I've been having fever since Saturday. And that spoiled our (the boyfriend and I) plans to go to Singapore the next day. So after several blood tests and bills more than RM 700 later, the cause is tied between a viral fever and mild dengue. I'm supposed to go for another test next week to confirm it.
The boyfriend has been staying over to take care of me. And can I just say that he's the best. He makes sure that I take the medication on time. Even in the middle of the night he'll wake me up to take the medicine. Maybe those are tiny things to some people. But I feel like those are the important things. This one night, he woke me up to scold me because I kept pushing away the blanket as soon as he put it on me every time. Haha.
But he's going back to his place tomorrow night since I'm feeling better now. I really am going to miss having him around. The highlight of my day is when he comes home in the evening and we have di…


Some people might think I'm overreacting but I think I have valid reasons. I'm not comfortable at all when something affects my freedom. Yes, it's a huge deal to me. Maybe because I really had to fight for it and stand up for myself. I don't know. The bottom line is, no one understands the situation. And honestly I'm not even expecting anyone to understand. Just don't go pretending like you do when you clearly don't. 
I'm just very frustrated about a lot of things. And it's even more frustrating because I can't blog about it. 
I'm too lazy to add some songs that I've recently discovered. Covers to be precise. I'll add them in the next post. Going to sleep and hopefully I feel less frustrated when I wake up.


I was watching 'Prayers for Bobby' a while ago. If you haven't, you should watch it. I haven't finished watching it yet because I was crying too much and then my mum called me so I had to pause it and compose myself before I answered the call ><
I'm blogging about this for the umpteenth time. But I found this on Tumblr and it made sense. It conveyed every single thing that I've wanted to say but didn't know how to. Defining home has always been hard for me.


I don't understand people who say that being gay is a choice. It's not easy being gay. Why would anyone purposely choose a more difficult life?
I went to drop off the boyfriend at his place a while ago. He asked me to stop before the entrance and without thinking, I asked him why and he didn't say anything. I know. He doesn't want to be seen with me. And I understand that. Because I know the consequences of what will happen if he comes out, or if someone finds out. But at the same time, I can't deny that I was very hurt.

I think we can all relate to this GIF very much.


I had a relatively relaxing day today. The keyword being relative. After getting home, I was checking Instagram and twitter and what not and discovered something. One of my friend's ex-boyfriend is sort of bffs (I think. or at least close friends) with a blogger I used to talk to almost every single day when I started blogging. And that blogger is a friend of another blogger, who happens to know another friend of mine. It really is a tiny circle after all. Almost everyone knows everyone. I don't think people really know me. I'd rather remain invisible anyway. You know, being fat and ugly really does have its perks! My classmates, or almost anyone never asks me whether I have a girlfriend. Whoop whoop!


It's 11:50pm. On a weekday. And I'm awake. Supposed to wake up at 5:30am tomorrow. Can't sleep coz I had coffee around 5pm.
I'm physically exhausted. So much to read. Sometimes I wonder whether the doctors forget that we are human. 
There's a gecko behind the refrigerator. I find them extremely disgusting. And I'm very afraid of them. I don't even know how it got inside the house since all the windows are always closed. Of course except during the weekends. That must have been when it got inside. I called the boyfriend when I saw it. Not that he could have done anything anyway coz he wasn't here >_>
I need to get my photo taken soon to be submitted for something. But I'm in a dilemma. My hair is too long for it to look nice on the photo. If I cut my hair it'll be too short. And I don't have enough time for it to grow to that perfect length that's just nice on photos. #gayboyproblems Haha. Funny thing is, I always look weird in all…


I have given up on blogging every day as I used to. Trying to keep it at a weekly update pace now.
Uni was hectic as usual. I felt like last week passed by rather quickly. The usual stuff in uni. Drama and more drama and myself making it rather obvious that I can't stand some people. No one likes attention seekers anyway.
The boyfriend and I went to Danga Bay the other night. Wasn't a very pleasant outing though. It was really humid. And on top of that, I don't think anyone there knows about the existence of deodorant. Plus, there's not much to see there.
Anyway, a little positivity in Tumblr style for the new week.


I have lost count of the number of times I have tried to type this entry. I'm having a hard time expressing what I want to be put here. 
I went to KL with the boyfriend a couple of days back to get some stuff done. I had a good time. I've missed the place and people a lot. But one thing I definitely didn't miss was the attitude some people have. Especially gay people. What's with the condescending stares? No wonder people find it so hard to accept us. There's a limit to being bitchy and judging others. 

The boyfriend bought me socks! Haha. When he was going to buy it I felt like screaming "Dobby is free!!" in the store. But obviously I didn't. The reason that I was touched about the socks was coz it wasn't something that he would normally buy. And he said that he's buying it since I have rashes on my legs where the socks come in contact and maybe this would be better. 

Back to classes again tomorrow!


I miss blogging on a daily basis. If I were to say that I'm so busy I don't have time to blog, that wouldn't be entirely true. Been feeling rather emotional today. I'm still not used to life here. And I know that a lot of people will be saying that I should stop whining. Or something along those lines. 
I still miss unlimited internet. I miss YouTube-ing random stuff and browsing Tumblr endlessly. My monthly internet usage used to be around 90GB. Imagine having to cut down to 12GB. Tumblr and YouTube used to be ways that I cheered myself up after a rough day in uni. And I don't really have that anymore.
I miss KL. I know that I've blogged about it so many times. Here, I don't know where to go to get stuff done. Whenever I hear the traffic updates on the radio, I always listen to it now. I'm terrible with directions, but I can still recognise most of the roads they talk about in those updates. Above it all, I always had the feeling of KL being home. So …


I have fallen in to a rather monotonous routine ever since classes started. Monday to Friday is obviously spent in uni. I spend Saturdays with a close friend or two. And Sundays are for the boyfriend.
Last night, I finished class rather late around 7pm, the boyfriend messaged me and told me that he's waiting downstairs at my place with dinner. He wanted to surprise me because I'm normally at home by 6pm. I was truly touched. But I was out with my classmates so I couldn't go home straightaway. He knew that I've been having a rough week and wanted to cheer me up. 
Went to buy contact lenses earlier tonight. Goodness, some sales people think so highly of themselves. He was so rude to me I felt like going to another shop. But I was in a rush so ignored his attitude.
I really do need a holiday. Even though classes started few weeks back, it has been super tiring. Has anyone been to Colmar Tropicale? I've been wanting to go there ever since I saw a few photos on Instagr…


I realized that no matter what happens, if you have people that care about you with you, nothing can really create such a huge impact.
Something happened earlier and Peanut as well as another friend of mine was there to comfort me. And by comfort, I'm implying that they sent a few kind messages to me. See, that's all it takes. You don't need to do so much to make someone's day. Just a few kind words are more than enough.
But what really touched me was when the boyfriend came over to my place even when he was sick and had prior commitments. We didn't get to talk much because he dozed off a while ago. But it's the thought that counts.
To say that I feel extremely blessed right now would be an understatement. (:


To say that the past few weeks have been tiring and involved a lot of conflicts with people would be an understatement. Surprisingly, I'm not the only one who feels the same way. People are so fake and pretentious. I honestly look forward to learning something new everyday but the thought of seeing them makes me less happy. I know I can get through all of this. I just know. I need to find that balance.
My to-do list has been getting longer and longer. So much unsettled stuff. 
I guess I'm moody because I can't meet Peanut or the boyfriend this weekend. We're all too busy to meet this weekend. Meh. I should go and sleep.


Some people don't know when they invade other people's personal space. Maybe they do know but they don't care. Just because I'm gay and you are gay doesn't mean we need to be friends. 
Respect people's privacy please.