The topic of Kyle and I getting married came up again the other day. We've had this discussion few years back as well. For some reason, everything has happened so fast in our relationship. Kyle moved in with me 3 months or so after we started dating. And we've been living together since then. At this point, I don't see what difference it makes whether we're married or not. Because we live together, share all the expenses and talk to each other about major decisions. But something Kyle said the other day got me thinking. He said that he is not ready to get married right now. And I'm okay with that. But honestly, what difference does a title make at this point? Am I missing something?
A lack of deadlines has made me extremely unmotivated. Lazy, to be honest. On top of that, my mother is coming by next week, so that's not going to be fun either. We haven't been agreeing about a lot of things lately and I'm quite stressed out about it. On top of that, she keeps asking me about whether I plan to get married. People have been telling me that my mother probably knows that Kyle and I are together. But I'm starting to doubt that. And her faith in God is so strong that its unbearable at times. So yeah, not looking forward to the next couple of weeks. Kyle's irritating habits aren't helping with things either. I just can't stand him sometimes and honestly I feel like driving off somewhere far and being alone for a few days.
I had a dream last night. I guess its incorrect to call it a dream if its not something you want. I dreamt that I finally got a job in one of the hospitals that I've been to. As a cleaner. Few years from now I'll probably laugh at it. But right now its scary and makes me feel even worse. I still do not have a job. And I don't even want to talk about it with anyone because no one understands this feeling. I don't need people to tell me that I will find a job eventually or that its going to be okay or why don't you try again. What I need is for someone to listen to what I have to say and just be there.
The other day, I went to get my glasses done. I knew that my power had changed because I was having so much trouble reading the sign boards at the airport. So I got it done and it had some problem the first time. They fixed it and I collected it a few days ago. It seemed fine when I was there. But now it seems like its around the same as my previous glasses because it…